Today is the one year anniversary of my mums death. Her death was not unexpected, but it was still jarring. My mum died at 1:20 am, and my sisters and I were gathered around her hospital bed when she died. We had all rushed to the hospital the evening of Tuesday the 21st of April so we could be there. I was scheduled to fly out to Nashville, Tennessee to run in the St. Jude Rock ‘n’ Roll half marathon at 5:00 pm that day. Obviously I canceled that. The next two days were filled with organizing her funeral as nothing had been planned prior, despite my mothers assurances that all the funeral arrangements had been taken care of.
My mum knew she was dying. My step-dad knew she was dying. The doctors had told mum there was nothing further that could be done for her. What they could not tell her was exactly when it would happen. I guess it was easier telling us that the funeral had been organized already than actually having to do it. I get it. Organizing your own funeral would be daunting, but at least she could have had what she wanted. I just wish she had been honest with all of us. None of us had any idea of what kind of service she wanted. Because she had told us everything had been arranged, none of us ever thought to ask her. This left us all with a big burden. One I would never, ever leave to my husband’s children.
Anyway, all those memories are now a year old. A lot has happened since then, as those of you that regularly read my blog know. It is an odd day, because even though I mourn my mothers death, it is my step dad’s birthday as well. He turned 80 the day my mum died and two weeks later he was in hospital with a stroke. He is doing well now, though he misses my mother every day and cries a lot. I want to wish him a happy birthday, but I fear it will never be happy for him ever again. I wish it could be.
Anyway, on my Capable Fitness with Gail Facebook page, which you can find here: https://www.facebook.com/capablyfit/ I placed a video I recorded this morning just before 9:00 am. It encapsulates my feelings about today and what I decided to do to start the day off. I invite you to go and view it…..God Bless you all!
Capable Fitness 
I’m sorry for your loss. My dad passed on my nieces birthday, I often wonder do they do that to try and ease our pain? Hugs to you
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Thank you, Lisa.
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Thinking of you, your family and especially Tony today on the anniversary of your Mum’s passing. With time, you will heal but you will never be the same. ❤
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Thanks, Karen. It’s funny, I spent more time thinking about Tony today than my mum. That’s not to say I didn’t think about her, but I am just worried about Tony. We are skyping tomorrow, though we talked on the phone today. He cried almost the entire time. It was heartbreaking.
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Your Mom is beautiful Gail … you have her bone structure. When I look at her picture, I see a woman committed to her path despite the hardships. She’s a Warrior. But I knew that already. She’s at Peace … be at peace Friend. You’ve been a loyal and authentic Soldier … She is beyond proud of you, her’s, and yours. Trust this … xo
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Thank you Julie!
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Hello Gail, I can relate, it’s hard losing a parent. I miss my dad, six years on. It’s very hard going on my mum as they were very close to one another. Your poor step-dad… It’s good he has you for family. 🙂
🐻 hugs. Xo
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Thank you.
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Hi Gail, I too can relate. I lost my mom almost four years ago, then my dad four months later. I miss them both still, but dad’s was so much more expected, and lightening fast. Mom’s AML diagnosis knocked the wind out of our sails, to be sure. Just hold on to those good memories and know she’s always with you, in your heart.
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Thank you!
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I, too, am sorry for your loss. My parents are in their mid 70s and I know they have no arrangements made. There are times I cry when I think about losing them. You are very strong even through your sadness. I wish you all the best.
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Thank you.
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Hi Gail,
I am sorry for your loss. I cannot relate. I don’t want to. Thank you for visiting my blog.
I absolutely admire one thing you say on your website. You say and I quote: “Refusal to conform to my genetics”. This is really something. It actually shocked me. I sort of immediately thought to myself, I wish we could say that for our entire genetic make up.
Greetings from London – the coldest bloody city in the entire Galaxy 😉 x
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Thank you for your comment. What I can fight, which is obesity, cardiovascular disease and cancer, I will. The first two are more realistic to stave off, the last my fitness helped me defeat. Coldest city in the galaxy? Clearly, you have not been to my neck of the woods in Canada. I was born in England, though. Bristol and I do have relatives that live in London. Thanks for stopping by my blog!!
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I am deeply sorry for your loss and hardship. I wish you peace as well as your step father. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.
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Thank you for you lovely comment.
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Of all your posts this one caught my eye as I lost my Mom recently. We were ready for her death and she was strong enough to take care of most of the funeral arrangements but it was still hard for us. Grief is the price you pay for loving someone, I guess. I know what you mean about wishing someone a Happy Birthday when you know that their day will probably not be happy. My brother and his wife suffered the sudden loss of a niece on their wedding day. How do you wish someone a Happy Anniversary when that day is full of memories of a life taken too soon.? They just celebrated their first anniversary and I sent them a note wishing them a Blessed Anniversary.
thank you for sharing your story.
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You’re welcome. It is a tricky and emotional situation when one spcial date brings both grief and happiness. As with all things, time heals, so I just have to hope that as the years pass, the happiness will outweigh the sadness. Thank you for stopping by my blog.
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